sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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