That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
