overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
