Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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