tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
