I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
