theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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