i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
