And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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