East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i just google imaged poop.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
