mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize