so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Randomize
