she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
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