I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
