Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
