I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
