Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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