Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
