kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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