Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
