Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
