bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
PANTIES FOUND
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
