something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize