If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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