You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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