Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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