so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
