Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Randomize
