Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
