I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
