I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
