matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize