Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
