I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
