Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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