He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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