wrigley field is MILF paradise
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
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