Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
