Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
This is the high leading the old right now
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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