BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
