There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
