have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize