I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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