I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize
