She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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