i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
