A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
