I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
