i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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