he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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