we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
