I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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