so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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