he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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