I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Randomize
