I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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