It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
