apparently the secret to your success is patron
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
