After last night, I could never be a politician.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
handjob tips. give me some.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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