All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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