Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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