Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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