Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
