nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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