when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Randomize
