guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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