Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
