eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize