Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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