mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
