i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
