eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Randomize
