are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize