So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
