just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
