When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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