How'd it feel making her break her religion?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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