no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
