So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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