on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
