Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
This gyro tastes like lonliness
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
