the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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