I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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