There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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