The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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