Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
