So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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