I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
