I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize