...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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