the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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