And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
