He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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