tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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