you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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