I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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