Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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