mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
