I wanna bring you to show and tell
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
