It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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