i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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