shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
