Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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