I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Randomize
